Category Archives: Family

A Birthday Remembrance

Posted on by • Posted in Family, Personal, Writing • Tagged , , , • Leave a comment

…written by my daughter, Lesley Wolfgang Jackson, on her birthday 14 years ago – memorializing her maternal grandfather, who had passed away two months earlier.  She composed it while graduate student at the University of Kentucky.  Her birthday was yesterday, and I intended to post this earlier, but celebrations and other activities intervened. I found a copy yesterday while discarding boxes of old memories, preparing our house to lease.

The grandfather she remembers was William C. Ashworth, Sr., (1919-2000) who served his country in World War 2 and the Korean War (piloting B-17 Flying Fortresses and P-47 Thunderbolts); his community, serving as Postmaster at Franklin, TN, from Eisenhower to Ford; and his Lord, preaching the gospel for nearly half a century (1950-2000).  It is an eloquent tribute which captures the essence of both subject and author.

………………

Today I am running the arboretum trail.  I am running, and I am thinking of my grandfather.  I am remembering running ahead of him as he walked.  I am remembering him over my shoulder, a tiny action figure, twisting stiffly from the waist, baseball cap sitting high top his head, allowing his toupee to ride untouched.  I always circle back to him.  He has slathered himself with SPF 40 sunscreen, solemn and methodical as morning mass, always forgetting a dab sliding along the ridge of his ear.

I am driving him to the mall: Safe walking, out of the rain. I concentrate to match my pace to his. We talk about my running, my pace, about my latest race time.  We talk of baseball, of my cousin’s pitching arm, insured at age nine.  I see my favorite running shoe, discontinued, on sale in a store window. He wants to buy them for me. Do they fit? Are they comfortable? What kind of shoe should he wear? He buys what is comfortable, a new pair every few months.  My grandmother doesn’t understand.

I am visiting him in the hospital. We watch a baseball game on the high television while my parents take my grandmother for something to eat.  I will not run my long run on this Saturday; I will not run at all. My grandfather wants a glass of water: Don’t get up, Sugar.  He is shuffling across the floor to the sink, tied to the IV, gaunt in his striped pajamas, bald and unshaven.

I won’t run with him again, won’t circle back for him when he becomes a small dot on the horizon.

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I will miss his annual account, over chocolate cake, of racing his Corvair to the hospital a state away, his wrong turn on Peachtree Street, to greet me, his first grandchild.  I will remember him telling me I would never know how much he loved me, his dry kiss on my cheek after I blow out the candles.  I probably won’t, but I imagine.  Tomorrow I will run.  I will run for him and I will remember.  I will breathe the dark and the morning air, I will breathe it for us, and I will try not to be sad.

The Porn-Free Family

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Culture Wars, Family, Religion • Tagged , , , • Leave a comment

The Porn-Free Family

From Tim Challies’ Blog — Informing the Reforming

I’m a father of three children who are fully part of the digital generation. They are as comfortable with iPods as I am with a paperback and have only ever known a world where almost all of us have cell phones with us at all times, where Facebook is a teenager’s rite-of-passage, where every home has five or ten or twenty devices that can access the rest of the world through the Internet. Yet I know of the dangers that are lurking out there, waiting to draw them in.

I want to protect my children in a world like this, but I want to do more than that. I want to disciple my children to live virtuously, to use these new technologies for good purposes instead of bad ones. I believe this is a crucial part of my calling as a parent. To address this great need, I have put together what I call The Porn-Free Family Plan. It is a plan designed to protect my children from online dangers so that I can train them to use their devices and technologies well.

THE PORN-FREE FAMILY PLAN

A thorough plan needs to account for three types of device:

  • Fixed devices. These are the devices will only ever be used in the home. Here we have desktop computers in the home office or Internet-enabled televisions and gaming consoles. Parents can have a significant level of control over these devices.
  • Mobile devices. These are the laptops, tablets, smart phones and other devices that can be used in the home but also carried out of the home and used elsewhere. Parents can have as lesser degree of control over these devices.
  • Other people’s devices. These are the computers children may use at another person’s home or the tablets other children may show to their friends. Parents can have no control over these devices.

In all of this there are two broad goals: To prevent those who want to find pornography and to protect those who do not want to find it but who may otherwise find themselves exposed to it, to confound those who want to see porn and to shield those who don’t. And while the plan is geared specifically to combat pornography, it will also help battle other online dangers.

The Porn Free Family Plan has four steps: Plan, Prepare, Meet and Monitor….

 Read more at: http://www.challies.com/articles/the-porn-free-family-plan

Companion of Your Youth – from FlightPaths by Dene Ward

Posted on by • Posted in Family, Marriage • Tagged , , , • Leave a comment

Companion of Your Youth – from FlightPaths by Dene Ward

Companion of Your Youth – from FlightPaths by Dene Ward

December 30, 2013

Yet you say, Wherefore? Because Jehovah has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion… Malachi 2:14

The Hebrew word for “companion” in this passage is only used here in the Old Testament, and is feminine.  It makes sense then, that this is a one-of-a-kind companion to the man, which should make them special to each another.

The prophet obviously speaks to older men who were “dealing treacherously” with the women they had married young, trading them in on a new model, as we often say nowadays.  They had forgotten the covenant they made when they were younger to be a companion, not just for awhile, but for life.  Men are not the only ones who need this reminder. So you will be delivered from… the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; Proverbs 2:16-17.

Since we cannot look to other uses of the word in scripture, it might be helpful to examine the English word the translators chose.  Originally it derived from “someone to share bread with.”  It speaks of a closeness beyond simple acquaintance.  When people put their feet under the same table, they learn far more about each other than they ever will with a handshake in the foyer.  For a man and woman to share a meal, the assumption is intimacy.  What do you think of a couple you see eating together in a restaurant?  Either they are married or dating.

The intimacy of a marriage, of course, goes far beyond eating together.  When I see a man whose tie is askew or whose collar is turned up, I tell his wife.  I would never put my hands on another woman’s husband in quite that way.  In the same manner, Keith and I eat off one another’s plates and share drinks, we brush lint off one another, and get in one another’s personal space without a second thought.  The sexual relationship, which we have already discussed (see “Cistern”), is a natural element of male-female companionship and all these small nuances are its natural byproducts.  That is why married people should be careful who they spend the most time with.

God meant that this companionship begin, ideally, in youth, and continue for a lifetime.  “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife…” Gen 2:24.  As he reaches manhood, as she reaches womanhood, they search out a companion, make a covenant together and begin a marriage.  In their “youth,” however a particular culture may define it, they learn together and grow together.  They make plans and share a purpose—together.  These are choices they make, not some overpowering feeling they cannot control.  Choosing to be together and using that time to best effect makes the relationship more and more intimate as the years go by. But just as the myth with children, “quality time” does not happen if a quantity of time is not being spent at it.  Anything that lessens companionship, in both quality and quantity, is a danger to the relationship.

Dating couples need to be talking about these things early on.  If you cannot agree on life goals, if you do not share priorities, if you become bored in one another’s company, maybe this is not the ideal companion for you.  Stop now before you get in so deep you feel unable to get out.  It will only make the hurt worse to continue in something that will have no good end.  You are talking about a lifetime decision here, one that will affect you as no other will, one that can even determine your eternity.

It is interesting that Barnes defines “companion” as “another self.”  While some time alone can be re-invigorating to a marriage, it should always leave one with a sense that something is missing.  Couples who make it a habit to be away from one another are lessening that sense of belonging.  “But we’ve grown apart,” some will say to excuse divorce, condemning themselves in the process.  The whole point of the relationship is togetherness.  Do we think this happens by magic?  It is my responsibility to make sure we grow closer together, not further apart.  That does not mean that we must share every single interest, but we should share the things that matter the most.

When you’ve started out young and made it together through the various trials of life, the relationship grows stronger, deeper, and sweeter.  Knowing there is always someone you can count on, that any little tiff will soon be over and all will be right again, gives you a sense of security that will see you through the toughest times, and that includes the time when this lifetime relationship is broken by death.  To hear my mother say to my father just moments before he died, “Wait for me at the gate.  I’ll be there soon,” was something I will cherish till my time comes to say the same words.  That is what companionship is all about.

From those first baby steps as a brand new person—“one flesh”—to the maturity of an interdependent couple who have seen the both the best and the worst of each other, who have helped each other, supported each other, lived together, worked together, laughed together and cried together—a married couple should cling to one another and no one else in this relationship, under the loving watch of the Father who designed it.

And God said, It is not good for man to be alone… Gen 2:18.

Dene Ward

Excerpts from “Wait For Me”

The Boss (Bruce Springsteen), 1992

Sung at the wedding of Lindsay and David Mast, 2001

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true

But you and I know what this world can do
So let’s make our steps clear that the other may see
And I’ll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me

Now there’s a beautiful river in the valley ahead
There ‘neath the oak’s bough soon we will be wed
Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees
I’ll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me

I can’t explain why we shouldn’t murder disabled children

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family, Religion • Tagged , , , , • Leave a comment

HT for this blog to my friend and brother, Jason Longstreth, who says: “As the parent of a child with Down Syndrome, I have become more and more alarmed at the efforts to eliminate these children from our society by aborting them in the womb and/or performing “mercy killings” while they are still children (in Europe). Every one of my children was created by our Father. They are neither defective nor are they mistakes, for they were fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14) Remember the Lord’s statement to Moses, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes him mute or deaf, or seeing or blind? Is it not I, the Lord?” (Exodus 4:11) They are made in the image of God.”

Lindsay’s Lens: A Challenge From a Grieving Father

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family, Personal • Tagged , , , , , • Leave a comment

Lindsay’s Lens: A Challenge From a Grieving Father

I was going to comment on Scott’s post — but my daughter says it better!

A Challenge From a Grieving Father — Lindsay’s Lens, November 22, 2013

Read more from Lindsay Wolfgang Mast on her blog, Lindsay’s Lens, at:

http://www.lindsayslens.com/1/post/2013/11/a-challenge-from-a-grieving-father.html

This blog has been long-neglected. Not for any lack of thought on my part, but because much of my thinking has been going on in the background while things that required doing demanded my time more urgently. I am pleased to have the desire and the time to be back at a keyboard and writing this morning.

This week much of my ‘doing’ has involved praying for and trying to encourage a number of people I know who have been touched, again, by death. This time, it is the death of a 25-year-old man who went out to enjoy a fall day and drowned in Kentucky’s Barren River. I did not know Adam Smelser, but many people I care about cared deeply for him, and still do. By all accounts, he had both an insatiable appetite for life–first, for eternal life, but also for the life God blessed him with on Earth. Funny, talented, vibrant. His loss is being felt deeply here.

I have been praying for his friends. I have also prayed fervently for his family, who lost a beloved son, the second of 6 siblings. I have heard Adam’s father, Scott, a preacher, teach about parenting, and I know he takes his role seriously. He has been quite transparent about his grief and his faith via social media, and his handling of this unspeakably hard situation is so very admirable.

His words yesterday, though, have pierced me to the heart:

“A newly married friend just asked -as many have- if there’s anything he can do. I’ve been asking for a time machine, but nobody has had one yet. Today I came up with a better request:

Here’s what you can do, you and that sweet wife of yours. Have a baby boy (girls are fantastic, have some of them too, but right now we are one short on the boys). And for all of them, expect great things of them. And don’t let the world get their hearts. And love them like crazy, and train them like they’re going to be workers for the King of the Universe.”

The request of that grieving father is so challenging to me–to us. His son had a profound effect on others both his age and beyond. That doesn’t happen by luck or circumstance. I want to respond to the wisdom of a man who raised a soul like Adam.

Here is what strikes me about it: It is so very single-minded. And dedicated. And sincere. There is one reason, and one reason only that we are here: To Know God, and thus to Make Him Known.

When Mr. Smelser says, ‘Expect great things of them,” I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean, expect them to walk or talk early, or to take home all the MVP trophies, or to land the highest-paying job out there. He means to expect excellence in God’s sight. He means it in the same sense as Colossians 3:23–our work is to be done heartily, yes. But it is to be done for the Lord, not for men.

Yet it is so easy as parents to forget that *our* work is for the Lord, too. We want to raise children who follow Christ, but who also (insert other thing that the world thinks is important right now too). That’s not single-mindedness. Of course there will be Christians with some traits that are lauded by those who do not serve Christ. But that is not the goal. And Satan loves to muddy up our thinking by telling us we really can have both. Jesus himself says it’s not possible (Matthew 6:24). But since God doesn’t write spiritual milestones in our child’s baby books, or give out trophies when our kids show kindness, or hand out raises when they tell someone about Jesus, it’s tempting to look elsewhere for the validation we want in growth, even when it is of an earthly nature. But that is just one way that we as parents let the world get *our* hearts, and when he has our hearts, he’ll get our children’s, too. That thought is chilling to me. May it never be.

I feel like I’ve got the love thing down. The constant challenge, though, is to remember that our primary love must be for our children’s souls–not for their volatile emotions. I have to do what makes them better, not what makes them happy (though a child whose parent truly cares for their soul is going to know much happiness).

Then there is the final urging to train them, to train them to serve the King of the Universe. Wow. I mean, no pressure, right? Our boss hung the stars and knows how many hairs are on my head, yet here I am trying to teach little kids (who will soon be big kids, and who all too soon be adults) how to work for Him. But clearly, it can be done, and He will help us.

So, I think about the best training I’ve gotten over the years. First, I needed to know what the job was and who my boss is. This is a big job, with a big boss, and I need to spend time teaching the children who they serve (bonus: I learn more about Him too). A worker also needs to know what is expected of them in their job. That is still more for us as parents to input into our children. And finally, the most effective way to train someone is to have them observe us on the job–and this one requires us to be in the field and on the clock all the time. I can’t farm this training out, y’all. It starts with me. It starts with me.

I suppose you could look at a challenge like this and feel overwhelmed by it. But when I see how very well the Smelser family did this, and how well other families I know have done it, I’m strangely not intimidated at all. Because I can see how they did it and where they got their strength to do it (Phil. 4:13). It makes me want to have oodles of babies. It makes me want to remind all the young couples who are waiting for the perfect time to have children: there is no perfect time, but there are always abundant blessings in children (Psalm 127:3). But most importantly, it gives me new resolve to do the things Mr. Smelser has said to do with my two children who are sleeping in their beds right now, who will wake up eager to learn new things, new skills, and to be shown the way they should go.

Picture

Because how else will they know the path to take?
Lord, may I be single-minded, sincere, and constant in my love and service for you. May I teach your way diligently to my children, and may we all never stray from it.
And a comment from Lindsay’s mother, who trained her in the way she should go:
“Thank you for this testament to what The Lord is able to help us, as His children, to do through His son. I thank Him that you and their father are the parents of those precious children in the beautiful photo on their path. I thank Him for your compassion, heart, and wisdom to do this most awesome task.
I continue to pray to God for the Smelser family and for so many who grieve so deeply, and know that He knows how deep that pain is and is ABLE and is the Source of hope, which saves us from despair. He turned the earth dark when His son died and accomplished His work.”  — Bette Wolfgang

25 Ways to Show Your Wife You Love Her

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family • Tagged , , , • Leave a comment

Doug Flanders's avatarAll Truth Is God's Truth


The key to a successful marriage is putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own. Here are 25 practical suggestions gleaned from 25 years of happy marriage.
  1. Listen
    To be truly heard is the longing of every human heart, and your wife is no exception. It sounds simple, but listening can be harder than it seems with so many distractions around us and within us. Set aside some time every day to look into your wife’s eyes and really listen to what she has to say. You may be surprised at what you hear. (James 1:19, Matthew 11:15)
  2. Communicate
    Don’t make her guess what you are thinking or feeling.
  3. Sing Her Praises
    Shamelessly brag about her good qualities and quietly pray about her bad ones. Her reputation is your reputation. (Proverbs 31:28-29)
  4. Pray For Her and With Her
    Praying on your wife’s behalf not only…

View original post 1,298 more words

25 Ways to Communicate Respect

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family • Tagged , , , • Leave a comment

Yes, one for husbands follows!

Jennifer Flanders's avatarLoving Life at Home


Actions speak louder than words. You can say you respect your husband, but he’ll have a hard time believing that unless your behavior backs it up.

What does respectful living look like? Here are 25 ways you can communicate respect to your spouse without uttering a word. If you’ll make it your habit to do these things, the next time you tell your husband how much you respect him, he won’t have to wonder if you really mean it.

  1. Choose Joy
    It’s true: A happy wife makes a happy life. Please don’t use moodiness as an attempt to manipulate your man, but in all things rejoice, because that’s the right thing to do. (1 Thessaonians 5:16; Philippians 4:4)
  2. Honor His Wishes
    Give weight to what your husband thinks is important. Make those things a priority that matter most to him, whether it’s having dinner ready when…

View original post 1,291 more words

A Response To: “Marriage Isn’t For You”

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family • Tagged , , , , • Leave a comment

Interesting counterpoint/expansion of the “Marriage Isn’t For You” article posted previously. Thanks again to Brace Rutledge for the link!

triathletewithacollar's avatartriathletewithacollar

catholic-weddingThere’s a great article going around entitled “Marriage Isn’t For You” that very eloquently explains why marriage should not be a self-centered commitment in which one is concerned only with their own happiness. Rather, the article claims, marriage is about your spouse—about making them happy and helping them to actualize “their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams.” While I think this article has good intentions, I don’t think that it takes its thesis far enough. Sure, marriage is not for you, but ultimately it’s not for your spouse either—it’s for God.

Like the author claims, marriage is definitely not about making yourself happy, but it’s not always about making your spouse happy either. True love is focused on God, and that sometimes means making people unhappy in order to draw them closer to God. Marriage is not about making your spouse smile or laugh every day. Marriage is not…

View original post 117 more words

Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family, News Media • Tagged , , , • Leave a comment

Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2432591/Porn-pernicious-threat-facing-children-today-By-ex-lads-mag-editor-MARTIN-DAUBNEY.html#ixzz2jxeUtd1S Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

EXPLICIT: But nothing your children have not seen. And yes, it’s British — but READ THIS!  (These  excerpts that omit some of the more graphic material).

From Britain’s Daily Mail: Experiment that convinced me online porn is the most pernicious threat facing children today: By ex-lads’ mag editor MARTIN DAUBNEY

The moment I knew internet pornography had cast its dark shadow over the lives of millions of ordinary British teenagers will live with me for ever. I was sitting in the smart drama hall of a specialist sports college in the North of England with a fantastic reputation. Before me were a group of 20 boys and girls, aged 13-14. Largely white, working class children, they were well turned-out, polite, giggly and shy.

As the presenter of a Channel 4 documentary called Porn On The Brain, airing next Monday at 10pm, I’d been invited to sit in on a forward-thinking class led by sex education consultant Jonny Hunt, who is regularly asked into schools to discuss sex and relationships. To establish what these kids knew about sex – including pornography – he had asked the children to write an A-Z list of the sexual terms they knew, no matter how extreme.

…. it turned out that the children’s extensive knowledge of porn terms was not only startling, it superseded that of every adult in the room – including the sex education consultant himself…. The adults in attendance were incredulous at the thought that not only did this kind of porn exist, but that a 14-year-old boy may have actually watched it.

But the more mundane answers were just as shocking. For example, the first word every single boy and girl in the group put on their list was ‘anal’.  When questioned, they had all – every child in a class of 20 – seen sodomy acted out in porn videos. I was stunned they even knew about it – I certainly hadn’t heard of it at that age – let alone had watched it and as a result may even have wanted to try it.

One 15-year-old girl said, ‘Boys expect porn sex in real life’. ….

When I asked the children if there were parental controls on the internet at home, they all said no, their parents trusted them. They all admitted their parents had no idea what they were watching, and would be shocked if they did know.

What I saw at the school was awful, but sadly not unusual. The findings were backed up in a survey of 80 boys and girls aged 12-16, commissioned for the TV show.  It proves the vast majority of UK teens have seen sexual imagery online, or pornographic films. According to the survey, the boys appear largely happy about watching porn – and were twice as likely as girls to do so – but the girls are significantly more confused, angry and frightened by online sexual imagery. The more they see, the stronger they feel.

But what impact is this steady diet of online depravity having on the attitudes of boys and girls towards real life relationships, and on their self-esteem?  Could it even have a wider impact on their lives, blighting their ability to function in the world, get good qualifications and jobs?

What I discovered left me truly shocked and saddened.  You might be surprised. After all, from 2003-2010 I edited lad’s magazine Loaded.  With its frequent nudity and lewd photo spreads, I’d long been accused of being a soft pornographer, and after leaving Loaded I agonised that my magazine may have switched a generation onto more explicit online porn.

In the documentary I set out on a journey to answer the question: is porn harmless, or is it damaging lives?  I wanted to know what I could do to protect my own son from a seemingly inevitable exposure to hardcore material in just a few years’ time.

I used to be sceptical that porn was as damaging a force as the headlines and David Cameron – who recently said it was ‘corroding childhood’ – suggest. In the past I’d even defended pornography in university debates, on TV and on radio. I claimed it was our freedom of choice to watch it and said it could actually help add to adult relationships.

But what I saw during the making of the film changed my opinion of pornography forever. The true stories of boys I met whose lives had been totally taken over by porn not only moved me to tears but also made me incredibly angry that this is happening to our children.

And the looks of revulsion on those poor girl’s faces in the playground enraged me. I feel as if an entire generation’s sexuality has been hijacked by grotesque online porn.

To find out what porn is doing to young men, and the girls they have relationships with, we spoke to them via online forums and discovered that there were many young lives seriously blighted by an excessive, unhealthy relationship with pornography that can begin when they are as young as 12.

We learned that some had lost their jobs, others had broken relationships, failed exams, or got into serious debt through using porn.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ultimately, the responsibility lies with us, the parents. The age of innocence is over.  Like many parents, I fear that my boy’s childhood could be taken away by pornography. So we have to fight back. We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.

We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust. By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.

Porn On The Brain airs on Monday, 30 September at 10pm on Channel 4 as part of Channel 4’s Campaign for Real Sex

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2432591/Porn-pernicious-threat-facing-children-today-By-ex-lads-mag-editor-MARTIN-DAUBNEY.html#ixzz2jxj6qsCF

Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Marriage Isn’t For You

Posted on by • Posted in Commentary, Family • Tagged , , • Leave a comment

H/T to Brace Rutledge for the link!

Seth Adam Smith's avatarSeth Adam Smith

Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.

I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. 🙂 I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each…

View original post 594 more words