Tag Archives: Dene Ward

Companion of Your Youth – from FlightPaths by Dene Ward

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Companion of Your Youth – from FlightPaths by Dene Ward

Companion of Your Youth – from FlightPaths by Dene Ward

December 30, 2013

Yet you say, Wherefore? Because Jehovah has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion… Malachi 2:14

The Hebrew word for “companion” in this passage is only used here in the Old Testament, and is feminine.  It makes sense then, that this is a one-of-a-kind companion to the man, which should make them special to each another.

The prophet obviously speaks to older men who were “dealing treacherously” with the women they had married young, trading them in on a new model, as we often say nowadays.  They had forgotten the covenant they made when they were younger to be a companion, not just for awhile, but for life.  Men are not the only ones who need this reminder. So you will be delivered from… the adulteress with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God; Proverbs 2:16-17.

Since we cannot look to other uses of the word in scripture, it might be helpful to examine the English word the translators chose.  Originally it derived from “someone to share bread with.”  It speaks of a closeness beyond simple acquaintance.  When people put their feet under the same table, they learn far more about each other than they ever will with a handshake in the foyer.  For a man and woman to share a meal, the assumption is intimacy.  What do you think of a couple you see eating together in a restaurant?  Either they are married or dating.

The intimacy of a marriage, of course, goes far beyond eating together.  When I see a man whose tie is askew or whose collar is turned up, I tell his wife.  I would never put my hands on another woman’s husband in quite that way.  In the same manner, Keith and I eat off one another’s plates and share drinks, we brush lint off one another, and get in one another’s personal space without a second thought.  The sexual relationship, which we have already discussed (see “Cistern”), is a natural element of male-female companionship and all these small nuances are its natural byproducts.  That is why married people should be careful who they spend the most time with.

God meant that this companionship begin, ideally, in youth, and continue for a lifetime.  “A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife…” Gen 2:24.  As he reaches manhood, as she reaches womanhood, they search out a companion, make a covenant together and begin a marriage.  In their “youth,” however a particular culture may define it, they learn together and grow together.  They make plans and share a purpose—together.  These are choices they make, not some overpowering feeling they cannot control.  Choosing to be together and using that time to best effect makes the relationship more and more intimate as the years go by. But just as the myth with children, “quality time” does not happen if a quantity of time is not being spent at it.  Anything that lessens companionship, in both quality and quantity, is a danger to the relationship.

Dating couples need to be talking about these things early on.  If you cannot agree on life goals, if you do not share priorities, if you become bored in one another’s company, maybe this is not the ideal companion for you.  Stop now before you get in so deep you feel unable to get out.  It will only make the hurt worse to continue in something that will have no good end.  You are talking about a lifetime decision here, one that will affect you as no other will, one that can even determine your eternity.

It is interesting that Barnes defines “companion” as “another self.”  While some time alone can be re-invigorating to a marriage, it should always leave one with a sense that something is missing.  Couples who make it a habit to be away from one another are lessening that sense of belonging.  “But we’ve grown apart,” some will say to excuse divorce, condemning themselves in the process.  The whole point of the relationship is togetherness.  Do we think this happens by magic?  It is my responsibility to make sure we grow closer together, not further apart.  That does not mean that we must share every single interest, but we should share the things that matter the most.

When you’ve started out young and made it together through the various trials of life, the relationship grows stronger, deeper, and sweeter.  Knowing there is always someone you can count on, that any little tiff will soon be over and all will be right again, gives you a sense of security that will see you through the toughest times, and that includes the time when this lifetime relationship is broken by death.  To hear my mother say to my father just moments before he died, “Wait for me at the gate.  I’ll be there soon,” was something I will cherish till my time comes to say the same words.  That is what companionship is all about.

From those first baby steps as a brand new person—“one flesh”—to the maturity of an interdependent couple who have seen the both the best and the worst of each other, who have helped each other, supported each other, lived together, worked together, laughed together and cried together—a married couple should cling to one another and no one else in this relationship, under the loving watch of the Father who designed it.

And God said, It is not good for man to be alone… Gen 2:18.

Dene Ward

Excerpts from “Wait For Me”

The Boss (Bruce Springsteen), 1992

Sung at the wedding of Lindsay and David Mast, 2001

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true

But you and I know what this world can do
So let’s make our steps clear that the other may see
And I’ll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me

Now there’s a beautiful river in the valley ahead
There ‘neath the oak’s bough soon we will be wed
Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees
I’ll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me

Danger in the Hedgerow

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From Dene Ward’s excellent blog, Flight Paths — read more at the URL below:

A long time ago we lived near a man who raised a little livestock.  He had a sow down the fence line from us, and one summer morning we woke to find piglets rooting their way through our yard, trying to find mama. Mama was too big to get under the pen, but the babies weren’t.  After that we kept tabs on those piglets, and the boys, who were about 6 and 4, loved going to see them.  Baby animals, as a general rule, are cute—even pigs.

One evening I stuck my head out the door and hollered extra loudly, “Dinner!” because I knew that’s where they were.  Keith said they started back immediately, Nathan on his shoulders, and Lucas walking along side.  About halfway back he swapped boys, and told Nathan to run on ahead and wash his hands. As he watched, Nathan ran along the sandy path toward our driveway, then veered to the left instead of to the right toward the house.  Immediately his father yelled, ‘What did I tell you to do?!” and Nathan instantly changed his direction and ran for the house without even a backward look.

As he approached the deep shade of the drive himself, Keith felt an inch tall.  Nathan’s tricycle was off to the left, parked in the hedgerow by our chicken pen.  That’s what he had been headed for because his father had taught him to always put up his tricycle.

He put Lucas down on the ground and sent him on into the house as he went for the tricycle himself, to put it up for his younger son, who had only been trying to obey his father in all things.  Just as he got there, a gray-green cottonmouth as thick as a bike tire tube charged from the bushes.  Keith was able to grab a shovel in time and kill it.

Imagine if that had been a four year old.  Would he have seen the snake in time?  Would he have even known to be on the look out as one should here in the north Florida piney woods?  Cottonmouths are not shy—not only will they charge, they will change direction and come after you.  A snake that size could easily have struck above Nathan’s waist, and at forty pounds he was probably dead on his feet.

Now let me ask you this—does your child obey you instantly?  Or do you have to argue, threaten, bribe, or cajole him into doing what you tell him to do?  Do you think it doesn’t matter?  The world is filled with dangerous things, even if you don’t live where I do—traffic, electricity, deep water, high drop offs—predators.  If you don’t teach him instant obedience, you could be responsible for his injury or death some day–you, because you didn’t teach him to obey.  Because you thought it wasn’t that important.  Because you thought it would make him hate you.  Because you thought it made you sound mean.  Or dozens of other excuses.

We put our boys in child seats before it was required by law.  We actually had other people ask us, “How do you get him to sit in the seat?”  Excuse me? Isn’t it funny that when the law started requiring it, those parents figured it out?  Not getting in trouble with the law was evidently more important to them than the welfare of their children.

The hedgerows don’t go away when your child grows up.  In fact, they become even more dangerous if you haven’t taught them as you should have.  Isn’t it sad when the elders of the church have to nag people to get them to do one simple thing for the betterment of the church or the visitors whose souls they are supposed to care about, like sitting somewhere besides the two back pews?  Those are probably the same people who as children had to be begged to obey their parents.

Do you want to know what someone was like as a child?  I can show you the ones who threw tantrums; they’re the ones who threaten to leave if things aren’t done their way.  I can point out the ones who wouldn’t share their toys; they won’t give up anything now either, especially not their “rights.”  The snake in the hedgerow has bitten them, and this time it poisoned their souls, not their bodies.

Look around you Sunday morning.  Decide which of those adults you want your children to be like when they grow up.  It doesn’t happen automatically.  It happens when loving parents work hard, sometimes enduring a whole lot of unpleasantness and even criticism, to mold their children into disciples of the Lord.

Danger hides in the hedgerows.  Make sure your child’s soul stays safe.

Now Adonijah [David’s son and] the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, “Iwill be king.” And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. His father had never at any time displeased him by asking, “Why have you done thus and so?” 1 Kings 1:5-6.

On that day I will fulfill against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. And I declare to him that I am about to punish his house forever, for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them, 1 Samuel 3:12-13.

Dene Ward

http://flightpaths.weebly.com/2/post/2013/10/october-25th-2013.html

Flight Paths – Dene Ward

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Flight Paths – Dene Ward

Starting Lineups – September 6, 2013

It’s that time of year—college football season, overlapped and immediately followed by, college basketball season.  My family will be excitedly quoting stats from September through the first weekend in April—from the first kickoff of the year till the last tip-off.

Of course, I begin hearing about it during spring practice.  Who is outplaying whom for which position?  Who will the starters be?  I bet if one of the players went to the coach and asked, “Do I have to be at every practice to be a starter?  Do I have to do extra work in the weight room?  Do I have to show up early and stay late shooting baskets?” that he needn’t bother checking the list to see if he even made the team, much less if he made the starting line-up.
And I bet those players do not have to be told so.

My parents recently celebrated their 64 wedding anniversaries.  I wonder how many they would have made if they had each said, “Now give me a list of what I have to do to be a satisfactory spouse.  How many times do I need to remember your birthday?  How many times do I need to remember our anniversary? How many times do I need to say I love you?  How many
times do I even need to be polite?”  They never would have married in the first
place.

What would my boss think if I showed up tomorrow and asked for a list of
the minimum I need to do not to lose my job?  Hmmm. I think I just lost it, especially since this is something I get paid to do.

Service is, by definition, voluntary.  Otherwise it is forced labor.  It does not expect repayment.  It does not seek to know the minimum to get by.  Asking that very question does not even cross its mind because it desires to do the most it possibly can, and by doing that often succeeds in doing even more.
But it understands from the depth of its soul that even that is not enough.

Here is the problem for those who want to just get by: on God’s team, everyone is a starter. Sitting on the bench is not an option. There will be no
third-stringers, who never set foot on the field during a game, but still
receive a championship ring. Only God’s starters get the trophy, and with God you either make the starting lineup or you don’t make the team at all.

Now, what was that question you had?

Now beloved, we are persuaded better things of you, and things that accompany salvation, though we thus speak; for God is not unrighteous to forget your work and the love which you showed toward his name, in that you ministered unto the saints and still do minister.  And we desire that each one of you may show the same diligence unto the fullness of hope even to the end. That you be not sluggish, but imitators of those who, through faith and endurance, inherit the promises, Heb 6:9-12.

Dene Ward

FlightPaths: The Tablecloth — by Dene Ward

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FlightPaths: The Tablecloth — by Dene Ward

FlightPaths: The Tablecloth — Dene Ward — Posted 8-15-2013

http://flightpaths.weebly.com/2/post/2013/08/the-tablecloth.html

My grandmother crocheted a lace tablecloth for me many years ago.  She was quite a lady, my grandmother.  She was widowed in her forties, left behind with two of her five children still at home.  She met the bills by doing seasonal work in the citrus packing sheds of central Florida, standing on her feet 10-12 hours a day, 6 days a week in season, and then working in a drugstore, a job she walked to and from for nearly thirty years.  She delivered prescriptions, worked the check-out, even made sodas at the fountain.

It was a small town and once, a woman whom my grandmother knew was not
married, came in looking for some form of birth control. My grandmother told her, “No!  Go home and behave yourself like a decent woman should.”  No, she did not lose her job over that.  She merely said what every other person there wished they had the nerve to say back in those days.  She lived long enough to see the shame of our society that no one thinks it needs saying any more.

As to my tablecloth, most people would look at it and think it was imperfect.  She crocheted with what was labeled “ivory” thread, but she could never afford to buy enough at once to do the whole piece.  So after she cashed her paycheck, she went to the store and bought as much as her budget would allow that week and worked on it.  The next week, she went back and did the same, always buying the same brand labeled “ivory.”  Funny thing about those companies, though—when the lot changes, sometimes the color does too, sometimes only a little, but sometimes “ivory” becomes more of a vanilla or even crème caramel.  The intricately crocheted squares in my tablecloth are not all the same color, even though the thread company said they were.

Some people probably look at it and wonder what went wrong. All they see is mismatched colors. What I see is a grandmother’s love, a grandmother who had very little, but who wanted to do something special for her oldest grandchild.  I revel in those mismatched squares because I know my grandmother thought of me every week for a long time, spent the precious little she had to try to do something nice, and, as far as I am concerned, succeeded far beyond her wildest dreams.

If it were your grandmother, you would think the same I am sure.  So why is it we think Almighty God cannot take our imperfections and make us into great men and women of faith?  Why is it we beat ourselves to death when we make a mistake, even one we repent of and do our best to correct?  Do we not yet understand grace?  Are we so arrogant that we think we don’t have to forgive ourselves even though God does? Yes we should understand the enormity of our sin, repenting in godly sorrow, over and over, even as David did, but prolonged groveling in the pit of unworthiness can be more about self-pity and lacking faith in God to do what he promised than it is about humility.  The longer we indulge in it, the less we are doing for the Lord, and Satan is just as pleased as if we had gone on sinning. Either way helps him out.

The next time you look into a mirror and see only your faults, remember my tablecloth.  When you give God all you have, he can make you into something beautiful too.

And God is able to make all grace abound unto you, that you, always having all sufficiency in everything, may abound unto every good work,    2 Cor 9:8.  

Dene Ward

Read more at:  http://flightpaths.weebly.com/2/post/2013/08/the-tablecloth.html

Is Your Soul Prospering?

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Is Your Soul Prospering?

A Frightening Prayer – Dene Ward

In his third epistle, John prays what has to be the most frightening prayer in the Bible.  Beloved I pray that in all things you may prosper and be in health,even as your soul prospers, v2.

Have you ever wondered what might happen if God suddenly answered that prayer—that your body and your economic life may be as healthy as your soul?  Those of us who prosper financially, might suddenly be living a hand to mouth existence, while others who can barely make ends meet might find their bank accounts overflowing.  Are we more concerned with our IRAs, annuities, and money market accounts than with the <em “mso-bidi-font-style:=”” normal”=””>unfathomable riches of Christ, Eph 3:8?  What was it Jesus called the rich man who was more concerned with his physical wealth than his spiritual wealth?  You fool!  This<em “mso-bidi-font-style:=”” normal”=””> night is your soul required of you, and all the things you have prepared, whose will they be then?  So is he who lays up treasure for himself but is not rich toward God. Luke 12:20,21

But what about the physical health angle of that prayer?  Some of us who are fat and sassy might instantly become pale and emaciated.  Some of us might even fall over dead!  But there might be others, frail and chronically ill, who suddenly become as hale and hearty as the great athletes of the world.

If we want to be able to pray John’s prayer, we need to get our souls in shape.  Do they get the proper nourishment or do they fast several days a week?  Do our souls have to be force-fed?  Do we “exercise our senses” every day, “discerning between good and evil,” or do we sit like couch potatoes, taking in with a glazed look everything the world has to offer?  Are we willing to take our medicine when we need it, or do we deny our faults and blame everyone else as if that will make them go away?

If a righteous man stands up Sunday morning and prays this prayer fervently—that everyone there will suddenly be as prosperous in wealth and healthy in body as they are in soul–will we jump up and beg him to stop because we know the results of the effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man, James 5:16?

Think about it; it might change your life.

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father from whom every family in heaven and in earth is named, that he should grant you according to the riches of his glory that you may be strengthened with power through his Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, to the end that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be strong to apprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge that you may be filled unto all the fullness of God.  Eph 3:14-19

Dene Ward

Flight Paths – Dene Ward

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Flight Paths – Dene Ward

That You May Teach Your Children (2)

Someone recently asked me what I thought a kindergarten aged child should know about the Bible.  All I can tell you is from my own experience.

I believe they should know about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit—and that all of those beings love him no matter what.  They should know every major Bible story, and be able to name the books of the Bible, the apostles, the sons of Jacob, and the judges.  They should have some major memorizing done, individual verses here and there, and larger passages as well, e.g., the 23rd Psalm, the beatitudes, scriptures like Rom 12:1-3 and good old John 3:16.  And those things should be explained as well as a five or six year old can understand them, which may be more than you think.  They should have a large repertoire of spiritual songs, not just children’s songs, but some of the hymns from the songbook as well.  They should be praying several times a day.

The person who asked looked at me, dumbfounded.  “That’s impossible,” he said.  No.  It’s not.  I could do most of that, and my children could do all of it.  I can still hear five year old Lucas reciting the twenty-third psalm, and three year old Nathan singing all five verses of “Twust and Obey.”

What’s that? “It isn’t about learning facts.”  Of course, it isn’t.  But tell me, which do you teach first, critical analysis of the poetry of Keats versus that of Milton, or memorizing the alphabet?  They will never understand faith till they see it working in the life of Abraham; or courage, until they know the stories of David and Esther; or unselfish devotion until they hear about Ruth gleaning in the field.  Isn’t that why God put those facts there in the first place? …things…written aforetime were written for our learning, (Rom 15:4).

And you know what works even better?  Learning about the generosity of Barnabas and then seeing a father like mine, who gave so generously that the IRS audited him.  And learning about the compassion of Dorcas and then a seeing a mother like mine, who took food off her table to give to a neighbor whose husband was killed in an automobile accident, and then organized a food drive for that same neighbor and her five small children.

And as to the amount I think a child should know so early?  The problem is not a child’s capacity.  The problem is adults underestimating their capacity. And maybe the problem is we do not want to spend the time it takes to do this.  This is not something you accomplish in 15 minutes a day of “quality time,” that great myth that has been foisted on American parents.  God never expected that meager amount to be the time we spend teaching our children.

Hear, O Israel:  Jehovah our God is one Jehovah.  And you shall love Jehovah your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your might.  And these words which I command you this day shall be upon your heart; and you shall teach them diligently unto your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up.  And you shall bind them for a sign upon your hand, and they shall be for frontlets between your eyes, and you shall write them on the doorposts of your house, and upon your gates.  Deut 6:4-9.

I think that pretty well covers it all, don’t you?

Dene Ward

Flight Paths – Dene Ward

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Flight Paths – Dene Ward

Teach Your Children – Flight Paths

That You May Teach Your Children…1

03/28/2013

The one and only time I went to the Florida College Summer Camp was when I was 8.  It was held on campus and I had the first floor dorm room in Sutton Hall that looks out toward what I knew later as Upper Division Dorm.

The last night of camp, when all the parents came to pick us up, the counselors staged a “Bible Bee.”  We all stood in a circle, beginning with the youngest on to the oldest.  Someone asked Bible questions around the circle and if you missed the question you sat down.  After about 30 minutes there were five of us left—me, all alone on the “kiddy” side of the nearly depleted circle, and, on the other side, 4 teenagers who looked as big as adults to me.

I only remember one question.  I was flabbergasted when a 16 year old could not answer, “Who was thrown into the lion’s den?”  The question came to me next, and I actually felt embarrassed for the boy when I answered, “Daniel.”  That was as far as I got.  You would think I would remember the question that did me in, but I don’t.  I do remember that I could hardly comprehend what was being asked, so it must have been a doozy.

Eventually, one of the older teenagers won the bee, and I could not understand why so many people came up to me saying how impressed they were.  Except for that last question they were all so easy.  You see, it had absolutely nothing to do with me, and everything to do with my parents.

My sister and I were raised knowing the importance of Bible knowledge.  My mother was a first generation Christian and back then did not have the teaching resources I had available when I was raising my children.  But judging by that “bee,” she and my father, who was only second generation himself, did a much better job of teaching than most who had more advantages.  They answered all the questions we asked, helped us when we needed it, and made sure we did our Bible lessons. They bought us a big beautiful Bible story book.  I did not realize then how expensive it was, but now I can look back and appreciate how lavishly they spent on us and why, especially given our un-lavish lifestyle.  They even allowed us to stay up 15 minutes late so we could read it every night, and later our own Bibles, before bed.  That certainly instilled its importance to me.  Because of their diligence, I cannot understand parents who allow their children—no matter how old they are–to get in the car on Sunday morning without checking to see that they have their lesson books and their Bibles, and without making sure the lessons were done the night before.

Something just as important–I always saw my parents doing their own lessons, whether it involved doing a workbook or reading a passage of scripture.  Their Bibles and class materials always had a special place on the shelf by the carport door.  If it was not there, they were studying, or they were at class.  None of this “I forgot” business.  And they talked about the scriptures on days other than Sunday and Wednesday.  We grew up knowing that you were supposed to think about these things every day.

That is how I did so well at the Summer Camp Bible Bee.  Like I said, it really had nothing at all to do with me.

…having been reminded of the unfeigned faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois, and in your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded in you also. 2 Tim 1:5

Dene Ward